


Erwin's Cat

by overthebifrost



Category: Shingeki no Kyojin | Attack on Titan
Genre: AU Fluff, Humor, M/M, alternative universe - fluff, domestic AU, erwin's cat is an asshole, levi is a housewife, levi swears far too much
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-08-11
Updated: 2016-08-11
Packaged: 2018-08-08 04:46:06
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings, No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,390
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/7743892
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/overthebifrost/pseuds/overthebifrost
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Levi really fucking hates Erwin's cat.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Erwin's Cat

   "Erwin, what the fuck are you doing?"

Levi stood in the bedroom doorway, arms folded tightly across his chest, watching as his husband sat on the side of the bed cuddling an ugly white cat in his arms like it was a baby. Erwin bounced it up and down gently as he cooed and nuzzled at it's long fur. He glanced up at Levi half way through telling the cat what a pretty little princess it was. Levi, whose face was usually impassive, looked as though he might vomit.

   "Levi, are you feeling sick?" Erwin asked, face full of concern. The cat had begun staring at Levi at the same moment Erwin had looked up at him. It was truly the ugliest cat Levi had ever seen in his life; It's face looked as though it had run full speed into the side of a bus.

   "I'm fine," said Levi. "You're going to be late for work if you don't stop playing with that shithead." He nodded towards the cat which had continued to stare at him whilst it pawed and needed at Erwin's thighs.

Erwin pouted and gave the cat a kiss on the head before standing up and brushing off his gray trousers.

   "I don't know what you've got against Sweetie-Pie but-" Erwin was cut off by a loud huff from Levi.

   "Your cat is an asshole, Erwin," he said. "And that is the most stupid fucking name I have ever heard."

Erwin laughed as he walked towards Levi, bending to kiss him on the forehead.

   "She's a cat, Levi. She doesn't hate you."

Levi helped Erwin on with his coat and handed him his briefcase.

   "Don't be late home," said Levi, kissing Erwin on the lips. He waited until Erwin's car had rounded the corner and gone out of sight before he shut the front door and decided to start on his daily chores around the house.

\------------

Levi spent the majority of the morning dusting, vacuuming, and doing laundry, then spent a ridiculous amount of time putting fresh sheets on the bed, obsessively smoothing them until he was satisfied with the result. He gazed around the room looking for Sweetie-Pie but she was nowhere to be seen. He knew that shitty cat would try to ruin his hard work so he made sure to close the bedroom door tightly as he left.

The next hour was spent on meticulously folding clean laundry and stacking it neatly on one of the wooden chairs in the kitchen before deciding to warm up some leftovers for his lunch.

As Levi leant against the kitchen counter, a slice of his homemade chicken pie in his hand, he heard scratching coming from the hallway that lead to the front door. Putting his plate on the table he went to investigate, knowing what he would find before he even got there.

Yes, he was right. Sweetie-Pie had gone to relieve itself in it's litter box but, as usual, completely missed it and managed to get crap all over the polished floor that Levi had so painstakingly cleaned just a little while ago.

   "You fucking little shit, you do this on purpose," said Levi, as he stomped back into the kitchen to get his bucket of cleaning supplies. He pulled on a thick pair of plastic gloves and, getting down on his hands and knees, started scrubbing the offending area. The look on his face was a mixture of revulsion and anger. Sweetie-Pie sat nearby, one leg raised in the air whilst licking its backside. Levi swore and cursed as he cleaned, and when he'd finally finished he turned around just in time to see Sweetie-Pie's tail slithering through the cat-flap into the garden. Levi didn't even waste his energy wondering why a cat that had the freedom to relieve itself outside constantly shit all over his hallway.

After scrubbing his hands raw Levi returned to the kitchen. His food was now cold, and since he couldn't get the grotesque smell of cat shit out from under his nose anyway, he scraped the rest of his lunch into the trash.

Tired as he already was, he decided that he couldn't ignore how filthy the bathroom was. Erwin was always leaving wet towels on the floor and never rinsed the shower after he used it, much to Levi's annoyance. He polished, scrubbed, and dusted until everything looked beautifully tidy and smelled like fresh citrus fruits.

Having decided that he would call it a day, Levi headed back to the kitchen intending on starting to prepare some dinner. When he reached the door he stopped dead, staring in horror at the clean laundry that he had so carefully pressed and folded. Not only had it toppled all over the floor, but it was smothered in thick, muddy pawprints. The vein in Levi's temple started to throb, he glanced around looking for Sweetie-Pie wondering if he could follow her trail of pawprints, but she had managed to completely clean them on the laundry. Levi could have screamed. His first instinct was to find the stupid cat and lock it in the garden, but his obsession took control of him as he started to pick up the towels, sheets, and t-shirts from the floor and began to wash them all over again.

Levi was exhausted by the evening, and Erwin would likely be walking in the door at any moment. He decided to just put a pizza in the oven, having no energy to prepare anything else. Whilst it baked he went to the bedroom to change into clothes that didn't smell of cleaning fluids. Opening the door he felt pleased as he was hit by the smell of fresh linen and-

   "What the fuck!" Levi practically screeched, "I swear I'm going to kill that cat," he said, walking towards the bed. On his pillow, right in the center, lay a mound of regurgitated fur and slimy cat food. He stared at it in disgust before turning around and spotting that he'd left the window open. There was Sweetie-Pie, sitting on the window seat, staring smugly at Levi.

Levi stared back, fists and teeth clenching as Sweetie-Pie licked it's front paw. As he started towards her he heard Erwin's key turn in the front door.

   "Helloo, I'm home," called Erwin. Levi walked into the hall, intending to let Erwin engulf him in his arms. That was, until Sweetie-Pie trotted by him and jumped up into Erwin's arms first, "Awww where's my little Sweetie-Pie, you gorgeous darling! Have you been a good girl?" Erwin said in his ridiculous baby voice.  
  
Levi had reached his limit, storming forward he grabbed the cat around it's waist, opened the front door and unceremoniously dropped Sweetie-Pie onto the front door step, closing the door again and latching the cat flap.

Erwin was about to protest before Levi crashed into his arms, grabbing his face with his hands and kissing him. Erwin, stunned at first, wrapped his arms around Levi and started to chuckle as his kissed him. Levi pulled away, glaring, his eyes narrowed.

   "What's so funny?" He asked.

   "You're just really cute when you're jealous."

\------------

Erwin was sprawled on the couch, left arm outstretched limply as he pointed the remote towards the TV, his right arm wrapped around Levi who was practically on top of him, chest against his and head nestled under Erwin's chin. Levi felt his eyelids starting to droop as he sighed in contentment and snuggled closer to his husband.

As Levi's eyes closed there was a sudden shift from near his head, he looked up slowly to see Sweetie-Pie's ass almost in his face as the cat tried curl up on Erwin's shoulder. Before he knew what he was doing Levi let out a long hiss, his fingers forming a claw shape as he did so. Sweetie-Pie's fur stood up, and after a moment where both she and Levi glared into each others eyes, she decided she would perch herself on the arm of the couch behind Erwin's head instead. Levi took one last look at her before nuzzling back into Erwin's warmth.

Sleep overtook him even with Erwin's entire body shaking with laughter. The last thing Levi remembered before falling asleep was Erwin's arms wrapping around him tightly, pulling him as close as possible with his embrace.

**Author's Note:**

> I don't know why I did this. I was just trying to forget the Chapter That Must Not Be Named.
> 
> Stay tuned for Levi's Dog?!


End file.
